读书笔记系列之Becoming(1)

说起来惭愧，Becoming这本书启动好久了。但还没读完，读完的章节，讲述了米歇尔读书、上大学、毕业工作、认识奥巴马、结婚等，最近基本上讲到她如何平衡家庭和工作、奥巴马如何走上从政的道路。本来想读完了一并写感触，但怕边看边忘，索性就有啥写啥。下面摘抄一下几段我看了一遍遍的文字。

Motherhood became my motivator. It dictated my movements, my decisions, the rhythm of every day. It took no time, no thought at all, for me to be fully consumed by my new role as a mother. I’m a detail-oriented person, and a baby is nothing if not a reservoir of details. Barack and I studied little Malia, taking in the mystery of her rosebud lips, her dark fuzzy head and unfocused gaze, the herky-jerky way she moved her tiny limbs. We bathed and swaddled here and kept here pressed to our chests. We tracked her eating, her hours of sleep, her every gurgle. We analyzed the contents of each soiled diaper as if it might tell us all her secrets.

当妈妈成了我的动力，也我的行动、决策和生活的节奏都由这个身份而定。我瞬间就完全沉浸在妈妈这个新角色中，根本都不用思考。我是一个细节的人，婴儿恰好有无数细节。我们观察着小玛莉亚，欣赏她的樱桃小嘴、毛茸茸的黑头发、不专注的目光，还有她挥动四肢的奇怪方式。我们给她洗澡、包裹起来，并将她紧紧地贴近我们的胸口。她吃奶、睡觉的时间、每一次咯咯发笑，我们都记下了。连她用过的尿布我们都会仔细研究，仿佛能从中知道她的什么秘密。

天下的妈妈都一样。回想起自己初为人母时候的点点滴滴，那感觉都是一样。最后一句，我看了好几遍，忍不住发笑，我曾经也是这样的妈妈，脱下的尿不湿还要研究半天。所以说，Motherhood is something beyond borders.

My work was interesting and rewarding, but still I had to be careful not let it consume me. I felt I owed that to my girls. Almost deliberately, I’d numbed myself somewhat to my ambition, stepping back in moments when I’d normally step forward. I’m not sure anyone around me would have said I wasn’t doing enough, but I was always aware of everything I could have followed through on and didn’t. There were certain small-scale projects I chose not to take on. You hear all the time about the trade-offs of being a working mother. These were mine. If I’d once been someone who throw herself completely into every task, I was now more cautious, protective of my time, knowing I had to maintain enough energy for life at home.

我的工作很有意思，收入也很高，但我仍然要当心，不要让自己被工作消耗掉。我感觉这归功于我的姑娘们。我几乎是刻意地不再关心自己的雄心壮志，在那些我向来都往前冲的时刻往后退。我不太确定周围是否有人觉得我做得不够，但我自认为自己清楚哪些事件我能一直着，哪些我不能。有些小项目我选择不接。大家总是能听到有关职场妈妈的权衡取舍。这些就是我的取舍。如果说我曾经做什么工作都全力以赴，那么我现在对自己的时间更加警惕、更懂得保护，因为我知道我必须保持足够的精力用于家庭生活。

这也是感同身受的一段描述。工作中从来都是以极高的效率安排好工作，不是为了向领导邀功，而是为了按时下班，心无牵挂地陪孩子。每次有出差或者外出培训的机会，即便心里很想去，也不敢应承领导。还有一次，领导开会的时候，拖了一会儿，礼貌性地说了一下，有没有谁着急下班的？我就是全屋那个唯一举手，要先行离开，去回家照顾孩子的人。看着别人在工作中冲锋陷阵，加班熬夜，我也很羡慕，但是心里知道，这份钱我挣不了~~~这就是我的取舍。很多时候，对别人的羡慕，不是因为对方比自己多挣了多少钱，而是羡慕别人成长和锻炼的机会。

这两年孩子长大了，又突然摩拳擦掌，想干点什么~~~but still wondering.